Addiction

This morning as I was sitting at our breakfast bar enjoying my coffee and oatmeal, I couldn't help but glance over at my sisters laptop, interested in seeing what kind of pornographies she might be in to (Asian midget stuff, in case you were wondering.) What I discovered, in addition to her half sized, oriental sexual preferences, made me audibly gasp in horror and in fear of the road my sister might headed down.
On her Facebook page, below the events and birthdays and above the sponsored ads, was the recommended page "Marijuana."
My first thought was that some pot-smoking criminal mastermind, in a crazed drug rampage, had broken into our house and corrupted my sister's internet browser with a horrific escapade of sex, drugz, and rock n' roll. After checking under and between all of the couch cushions in our house I realized this could not have been the case, due to the lack of semen that criminals typically leave behind after a break in.
I then realized that there was only one other option: MY SISTER IS ADDICTED TO THE MARIJUANAS LEAF.
As with most people who choose to get caught in the whirling drug tornado that is marijuana addiction, I knew that if I confronted Jessica about her life threatening problem she would immediately digress into a state of lies and denial. Instead I called the DEA (Drug Enforcement Administration), showed them Jessicas Facebook page, and she is now residing in the Salt Lake Metro Jail as the states newest cannabis felon.
XOXO
Andrew

Today is July 4th, Independence Day. I'm all for picnics and parades and fireworks and what not, but that is about as far as my patriotism goes. My sister on the other hand has been up since 4 o'clock this morning putting this picture all over the neighborhood wearing a Statue of Liberty costume. She's hung posters, handouts, and even a few flags. Hopefully the neighbors are just at patriotic as she is.
Loves,
Andrew

I'm sorry it's been a while...

Hey everyone (six people.) Sorry it has been a while since my last post, I've been spending almost all of my free time scrubbing this symbol off of almost every surface of our house. I normally wouldn't be too concerned except it seems that about 70% of the time its painted on in a mixture of frog semen and fish blood. Still trying to figure out how she gets ahold of those... substances... in such large quantities. She seems to be slowing down with her "artistic hobby" a bit so I'll try and keep you updated more often.
Hugs and kisses!
xoxo
Andrew

Jessica told me last Thursday that come Saturday she would be hosting a party for her work associates and that I needed to leave the house for a few hours. I had no problem with this but five minutes down the road I realized that I had forgotten my phone. I came back home to grab it and stumbled upon an empty house except for these three and a bowl of candy. I have yet to confront her about the "party," more to come.

Stumbled upon this little number this morning when I woke up. Jessica was gone and I'm concerned.

This is me (right) and my sister Jessica (left). Yesterday I moved out of my dorm and in to her house in Salt Lake City. We will be spending the summer living together and I will be sharing the strange and disturbing things she does on a day to day basis. Please enjoy.